My DuMdUm World

Friday, June 23, 2006

I just learned something new about myself. Wei shu told me before that every man will fall prey to 1 sin. Alcohol, smoking, lust, gambling... the things the chinese believe in. He said that the greatest flaw i had. If not the one stopping me from being who i am, is lust. I always fall prey to women, that's what he said. I've always believed that to have someone u love support you and comfort u in harsh times is the most important thing and without it, there can be no greatness. That's why, I'm always back to where i start. With nothing.

But i have realised. That my greatest weakness, is reliance. I tend to rely on people too much. Rely on my parents when i'm in really big trouble. Rely on weishu to help me with our past business. Rely on ferdinand for encouragement. Rely on si wei to get xuewen's number. And rely on the people i trust my heart with... for support.

Greatness is not built on reliance. Greatness is built on being self sustaining. And on sustaining yourself, being able to sustain and support others. I guess that is a very very hard part of my mindset to change... But that shall be my current goal. To be able to sustain alone. This time, I have to empty my heart out truly... And trust only myself. After all, friends and loved ones are but a passing moment in time. Nothing lasts forever, because forever fades. How i wish that was not true.

(0) So Waddaya Think! 1:41:00 PM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

She looks so pretty when she's asleep... Makes me want to just hold her in my arms... and be by her side forever. Sigh... It actually hurts me to feel this way, but there's nothing i can do about it. It's hell and its been like this for over a year.

God bless me

(0) So Waddaya Think! 2:00:00 PM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Well, I'm finally ORDed! But before i left my camp, i took some pictures of my beloved bunk. Here's my bunk. Something to share with ya'll!

First off, Here's a picture of my bed! And the 2 lockers, yes... 2 Lockers that i OWN! Dun ask me why i have 2. I just rock!

I'm not going to bore you with how messy the insides of my cupboard is, but what i'd like to show, are the 2 sides of the cupboards which are facing my bed. These are the things that i see

every night before i go to bed, and things that i see (when i wake up), is an inspirational board.

On it are various activities I want to accomplish during my NS term and small goals i want to achieve during the following month. Of course, Eugene, my course mate has turned part of it into a message board and wrote some messages for me. Yeah, that picture is fiona xie. Looked kinda nice so i every mornin! On the left side of my bed just put it up there. Haha...

Yeah on the right u'll see a close up of the actual "White board" where i've scribbled stuff to motivate and get myself to work...

Ok, this is the other side of my bed. This is the actual 2 things that i look at every night before i go to sleep and wake up every morning. The left picture's audrey when she was back in her secondary school and the right picture is a picture i took with her ages ago. Seeing these pictures really warms my heart and makes me glad I had someone like her in my life.

Sigh, kinda sad but I guess we have to move on in life. Really wished I could spend time with her and really... be together. But *shrug*... That's not a path I can choose to take now is it. If only she knew how serious i was and how i really feel.

Well, enough of my camp photos! Went to a wedding dinner today. Kinda nice, watching someone from your own generation already settling down and getting married. Haha. And watching the older people in your generation with little kids. And calling you UNCLE. OMG. makes me feel so old.

Hahahaha... Really wonder when i'll have my share of a fairytale relationship and really have the feeling of being in love... and... the feeling of being loved. That's something I havent felt for a very very very very long time. Kinda forgetting how that feels like... Guess I really dun have this kinda luck!

(0) So Waddaya Think! 10:30:00 AM

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

ORD this friday, But i havent been able to go back to camp to do clearance. Too busy!

Havent slept well for the past 4 days already... Been doing a pixel perfect page for OIG International. They requested it since they are after all, a branding and design firm. They wun accept quality any less than that. But how do i follow their template which is bigger than a usual HTML window? That's a tricky thing to do.

Been working 20 hour days for the past 3 days just to finish their project. But still there's changes to do. I hope the pay is justifiable for my work!

(0) So Waddaya Think! 2:53:00 AM

Thursday, June 01, 2006

grow old with me, the best is yet to be.-

Isnt that really sweet? I wish someone said that to me. Guess that's gonna take time...

My internet's pissing me off. Gets dc every few minutes. I'm pissed. Horribly pissed. And what's worse is someone just pangseh me to watch a movie. How come other people can break promises so easily but I have to stick to them?

Ahh what the hell.

Its come to a point in time... Where i realise that the things I do, have no aim and purpose. My purpose was to provide comfort for the one I love, the one i care about. But having sort of lost that... I find that I've kinda lost my direction in my life. I just want to switch off and reset myself. Its a very harsh thing to do to give up everything that's happened and move on again in life. But i guess its for the best

(0) So Waddaya Think! 10:17:00 AM